7 months

Kynzie girl,

We have hit the 7 month mark. Holy cow. I cannot believe you will be here in just 11 weeks. I am getting more impatient by the day. Daddy told me last night that I haven't been a bad sport about the whole pregnancy. I know I need to document that. :)

You are growing so quickly. What was once swift jabs at my side, are now massive body parts rubbing against me with pressure and causing me to jump because I can't believe how strong you are. I can feel AND see you move now. It's so unreal. When I show Daddy, he smiles and his jaw drops. We get to see you again in 2 weeks on an ultrasound. My asthma medicine can cause a growth stunt, so they want to check your growth and make sure you're right on track. (Don't tell Daddy I haven't been taking the medicine for this reason!) We want to save up $100 to get another 3d ultrasound before you come so we can see your new facial features. We keep talking about what we think you will look like. Our best guess is brown, curly hair. And I think you will look a lot like Daddy's side of the family.

We are also trying to hire a babysitter off Care.com for Daddy and I's date nights. I need to take down our post because it's been up for 5 days & I'm getting responses like crazy. So far we have 12 interviews scheduled in January. Yikes!

I'm having more dreams about you now. And when I wake up from a bad dream, I try to imagine you laying next to me peacefully. I see your chubby cheeks and sweet little lips (probably not little if you you take after Daddy! :-))

I am most looking forward to seeing your daddy with you. He is so excited. He always said he wanted a boy, but he's even more excited about a girl. He wants to take you hunting and fishing, and he has chosen several songs he wants to sing to you. Including "Don't Cry" by Jamey Johnson. Ah, I love that song and your daddy's voice gives me chills, it's so pretty. He keeps talking about how strict he will be with your boyfriends and what you wear. :-) He is a big softy, so I don't think you'll fear him much. I'm sure you'll know how to work him! He is almost done making your changing table and he's so thrilled to do that for you.

I'm getting really nervous about him being at work all day and class all evening. I'm looking for a part time job to keep me busy. I know I can take care of you myself, I just hate being alone. Weekends with him will be nice and we want to plan family outings for as many of them as possible.

I get to hear your heartbeat tomorrow at my 29 week appointment :-) Keep it strong for us, and keep growing like a weed so you will be healthy and strong when you decide to make your grand appearance.

We love you more than you will ever know,
Mommy

27.5 weeks

Kynzie-girl,

I don't know why but that nickname has just kinda "stuck." I will have to forgive everyone (your Aunt Erin!) for calling you "MJ" because I know it will happen and I hate it!

I can't believe we're so close to meeting you. Yet it's dragging on! I love every light or swift kick that you make, but at the same time it makes me long to hold you and comfort you so badly. I can't wait to show you how crazy in love with you we already are.

Daddy started getting your nursery ready. It looks gorgeous. He's so funny, he wants everything to be absolutely perfect and stresses himself out if something is not. He was correcting your block letters on the wall and I told him to leave it, it was ok a little crooked. But he said concerned, "honey, don't you want our daughter's first room to be beautiful?" :) Yes, I do. And I will always remember him saying that. He likes to feel you move but I think it really weirds him out! Each morning when my first alarm goes off, without fail, you are wide awake. You stretch and kick like a little pinball. I feel you on each side at the same time, one side being strong, repetitive kicks in my ribs. Don't you know I need all the sleep I can get? ;-)

My sciatica is completely gone. I only wear my best sneakers now and that seems to have alleviated the pain. I am, however, craving chocolate like it's going out of business! I have nnneeevvveeerrr liked chocolate. Now I can't get enough! Ice cream, hot chocolate, cookies, Hershey bars, M&M's, cake.... ahhh! I have gained 21 pounds and the midwife says I am measuring exactly where I should. I still feel tiny, but can't believe I'm going to get bigger. Now when looking at me, there's no mistaking the fact that I'm pregnant.

I don't know what else to say, other than I can't WAIT to meet you and kiss your little face.

You are so loved,
Mommy

23.5 weeks

Makynzie Jude,

We are 23. 5 weeks and you are getting so strong. If you were to come on your due date, daddy and I only have a few more months til we meet you. And I can't even begin to tell you how impatient I am getting for that day. Your kicks are so hard now and you turn your little body violently in my tummy when I'm trying to sleep at night. :-)You gave me comfort last night when I woke up from a nightmare and you started stretching as if to tell me everything is ok. I feel you the best when I'm on my back. That makes sense because the doctor says your placenta is attached up high & further back in my uterus.

I have had the stereotypical chocolate cravings. Which blows my mind, because I normally hate chocolate. I constantly want hot chocolate, m&ms, or cake. I've also wanted a lot of chinese food, but that's not in our budget so I need to learn to get over that one. :-)

Your nursery is coming along slowly, but surely. The "Man Cave"/office/guest bedroom is now a nursery/guest bedroom. Daddy has painted your shelves and block letters for the wall, and he is starting to work on your changing table. Your dresser is already full!

I'm starting to get a little nervous about labor, but meeting you will be completely worth it. I feel like I already know you, and it's killing me that I can't hold you and show you how much I love you yet.

Keep growing strong for us sweet girl,
Mommy

New Mommy Fears

I have had a lot of experience with kids. I started babysitting when I was eleven, helped in the church nursery when I was little, I have two nephews who mean the world to me, and I am a nanny to incredibly spoiled, difficult twins. However, as any new mom would be (and should be!) I have many fears of parenting and taking care of a child of my own. It has recently hit me (hard) that if all goes according to plan, in a few short months, I will be faced with these fears. It's now mid-November (it was just July yesterday!!) and our sweet baby girl is due in early March. So it sounds like a good idea to jot down these worries I have, and see how they turned out after she gets here. Here goes...

- The big one. Breastfeeding. I won't get into the details on this one. But I want this so badly for myself and my daughter. For the bond, the quick(er) weight loss, the convenience, the nutrients it gives her, and the affordability. But my patience and low tolerance for pain are what scares me here...

-Cloth diapering. Yep, that's right- I'm out of my mind. :-) I am committed to cloth diaper my child. For many reasons. A few being: they're better for her skin, better for the environment, saves money each month and with each child we have (we want 3), & they're just cuter! I will be using the "Flip" system, a one-size diaper, and I am already stocked up on shells & inserts so the only cost it will be to me now is an increase in my electric & water bills. Which shouldn't be too significant. The work is what scares me now!

-Deciding how to keep her distanced from negative friends & family that aren't good for her to be around. Thankfully Shane and I totally agree in this area. We don't want her around drinking, smoking, & swearing. And we don't want her around people that have a negative infuence on her. Family or not. So we plan to talk to the person if there's a problem, and if that doesn't work- unfortunately, distance her from them. 'Nuff said.

-Teaching her religion. We want her to know our beliefs, but know that it's completely ok for her to disagree with our beliefs.

So having said all that, those are definitely not all of my fears. But they are the ones I can think of off the top of my head. We hope to raise a kind, considerate, respectful, wise, and independent young woman. And we realize that getting her to that point is going to be tough, but soooo rewarding. :-)

Control Freak

I have recently come to the realization, after a year & a half of Shane trying to tell me, that I am a control freak and I have a mild case of OCD. Or, instead of diagnosing myself, I'll let you decide.... here are some of my "must happens":

1. Locks. I don't know what made me this way, but I am extremely afraid. All the time. My car doors get locked the second I step out (doesn't matter where I am.) Both deadbolts on the apartment door get locked when I'm inside (and of course when I'm gone.) I even like the bedroom door to be locked when we're sleeping, and I lock the screen door when the sliding glass door is open... This is the one Shane hates the most b/c he doesn't lock ANYthing.

2. The hangers in the closet. All hangers with nothing hanging on them must be kept to the left of the clothing...

3. The radio volume. Must be on an even number.

4. Trash in the apartment. I HATE any kind of trash laying around. It must be moved to the trashcan immediately or I'll go crazy.

5. Blinds. All blinds must be kept open during the day and closed at night.

6. Phone logs. Each person in my call logs can only be listed once.

7. The mail. I have to take the outgoing mail to the mailbox immediately after it's ready.

8. Bills. All bills must be paid the day I get paid. Which is not all bad, I have never paid a bill a single day late. They are always early, sometimes weeks early.

9. Vitamins. Shane and I both must take our vitamins every day before bed or I won't know what to do with myself.

10. The dogs' nails. I cut them as sooooon as they are too long. I can't stand it when they aren't done right away.

11. My hair. I wash my hair every 2-3 days, and use a special conditioner once every 2 weeks. Which is not like me at all, because if you know me, I could care less about the way I look.

12. The toothpaste. Must be in the top drawer immediately after use.

So all that said, I realize I need to relax. It's ironic because other things don't bother me at all. "Piles" of things around the apartment, clothes on the floor, spontaneous activities, the shower being a mess, etc. Those things I could care less about. Hopefully Kynzie will help me, because I won't have the time or energy to keep up with all of my "OCD-isms".... So do I have a problem??? I'd say so. And it's resulted in a lot of added stress to myself and to Shane & I's relationship. We have had countless arguments about these things. But I'm not ready to let go.... :-/

I'm getting really bad at updating this. It will probably end up just like all the others & get neglected and eventually deleted. But I'll keep trying! Tomorrow is our gender appointment and I am incredibly nervous. Though I can't wait to see the baby again. And this time on 3D! Ultrasounds are always so much fun and the best part is the joy on Shane's face each time. I will be honest, I am 95% sure it's a boy. First reason being, because I want a girl so badly. And second reason being, the midwife definitely saw something indicating the sex on Monday's ultrasound. I don't even want to call that an ultrasound. That office is so unorganized and looks to me to know what they're doing. The midwife came in, sat down, and said "How far along are you?" Umm.... I don't know exactly. I have heard like 5 different due dates. "Well what did we tell you at your last ultrasound?" I haven't had an ultrasound here. "You haven't? We have to do an ultrasound then." (Glad she was so excited about it.) And she FLEW through that ultrasound. Not to mention it was extremely low quality. And we were told that they would tell us the gender if they saw it so as to save us 100 bucks on tomorrow's appointment. Nope. She saw the gender and quickly said "We're not gonna do the gender today. Next time." What??? Shane said, "you can't even tell us what you THINK it is?" And she said "No. We're not doing that today, it's not my specialty. You'll know in 2 weeks." Ughhh. That woman is not delivering my child. That's fine that she didn't want to be wrong about the gender, but she could have been nicer about it.

Anyway, we had a BLAST on an ice cream date last night with Drew & Cassie Jackson. I laughed so much my face was hurting. And beforehand, to kill some time, we went to Target to browse, not planning on spending any money. Somehow we walked out having spent 70 bucks on a Pumpkin Spice candle, and 2 paintings. Whoops! :) We knew we shouldn't have.

Work has been e-x-h-a-u-s-t-i-n-g. The babies I nanny are incredibly spoiled and good lord, it shows. Carter has been screaming the second I put him down, and they're 7 months old yet occasionally eating solids and bottle-feeding small amounts every 2 hours. The dad told me they no longer want me give them larger amounts every 3 hours. It's quite ridiculous and makes the job much more stressful than it should be.

On a more positive note, I think I'm in the clear as far as nausea!! I only threw up a total of two times so far but I was getting sick every time I got hungry. So from 9 weeks to about 16 weeks, I was siiiiick. But for a week now, I have been feeling great! The doctor put me on Zantac which makes a world of difference as far as heartburn. And my only complaint is I feel huge. My belly pushes up when I sit down and it's very uncomfortable. My skin feels so stretched out. And I'm only 17 weeks! Yikes! :) Well that does it for this post, on to an episode of Lost. :o)

Fall & My Best Friend

SO glad it's fall!! My favorite season. There are so many thing to look forward to this fall! f.e. my birthday, finding out the gender of the baby, the crisp fresh air, cool nights, cute clothes (even if they are maternity!), boots!, the avett concert, feeling the baby kick for the first time, beautiful fall colors, & Thanksgiving! :)

Thought I'd take a moment to publically show appreciation to my beau and best friend. Shane, I am so thankful for every time you have dinner ready for me when I get home, every time you bring me things from the kitchen because I'm just being lazy, when you take the dogs out at night because I'm scared of the dark, when you call and text me just to tell me I'm beautiful and that you love me. Thank you for listening to me, holding me as I cry for no reason at all, putting up with all my frustrations at work, for all the kisses and hugs. Thank you for cleaning the apartment because you say it's "OUR job", not just mine. Thank you for doing the dishes the last 2 months or so, for being so respectful and loving to my family, for taking care of me when I don't feel well, for calling to check up on me at work if you haven't heard from me in a while, and on & on. I am so grateful for you and every sacrifice you make to be sure I'm happy. I know I'm a very difficult person to be in a relationship with, but you stick by me through everything. I can't wait to see your first loving look at our child, and the amazing daddy and provider I am confident you will be. You are an amazing man, so sensitive to my needs and wants, and you will be an even better daddy. I love you. "I'll be on the other end, to hear you when you call. You were born to fly, and if you get too high, I will catch you when you fall. Take every chance you dare, I will still be there when you come back down."

12 weeks

Let me just start by saying, I am so relieved to be done with my first trimester in just 2 days!! I will be 13 weeks on Thursday & I am feeling much better. My nausea & fatigue are slowly starting to leave my body. And I am showing, which is very uncomfortable yet exciting! Heartburn is getting worse, but I will take that over nausea any day!

This past weekend was a blast. We got SO much done. I had a dr appt, we spring cleaned (window sills, ceiling fans, everything!), organized our bills & papers, bathed the dogs, went to the lake twice, spent Sunday with the family, weeded through our closet & gave garbage bags of clothing to Goodwill, Shane hung the bikes on the porch, got all the laundry done, rearranged our bedroom, we watched like 5 episodes of Lost... it was AWESOME! Until.... last night. :) I had horrible heartburn & got super dizzy. My fingers were tingling, the room looked like it was spinning, I was light headed, etc. I still felt just as bad this morning but I'm just now starting to feel a little better.

Regardless, so thankful I can feel hungry & not feel like I'm going to throw up everywhere. :)

Limbo

I feel like I'm in a stagnant, limbo-like phase of pregnancy. I don't feel like I'm getting much bigger (at least not in my belly if you know what I mean...) I actually think I've gotten smaller because my bloating is gone. And my nausea, I think, is starting to settle down. (yay!) Yet my fatigue is still awful. Shane & I have been walking a mile every night after dinner and that has helped a lot. Then Monday we are going to start doing 30 minutes in the gym on top of that. I feel so lazy :) but I know the more I work out now, the easier labor will be and the less I'll have to work out after Sponge arrives. Oh, so if that makes no sense: we have been calling the baby "Sponge" :) We have been trying not to swear around the baby, as kids absorb words like sponges. haha. Just a joke that kinda stuck.

Anyway, work has only gotten worse so I am looking for a new job, which I doubt I will get. And that's pretty much what's going through my head today. I am overwhelmed and ready to take another nap!

And the "beat" goes on...

Let me just start by saying, yesterday was amazing. I had the coolest experience I have ever had in my life & it probably always will be. At 9:30am, I saw [evidence of] my firstborn child for the first time. Going to the appointment I was incredibly nervous. I felt it would be too good to be true if everything was going well with this pregnancy. I was shaking going in, and you can ask Shane, I had the jitters anticipating going back into that exam room. What if there was no heartbeat? What if the baby was growing in the fallopian tube? Or what if there was no baby at all? Thank God, none of these was true. Seeing that wiggling baby on the screen was an out-of-body experience. I was overwhelmed with joy, relief, disbelief, and comfort. And seeing Shane jump up with a huge grin on his face to touch my hand & take pictures on his phone was awesome. He is so supportive and I could not ask for a better father for my child. That little white "blob" was the cause of my fatigue, nausea, headaches, heartburn, and anxiety. And I could not be more thankful for him or her. I could have watched that sweet, innocent baby move around all day long. And seeing that heart beat at 150 beats a minute was exactly what I needed. How can you love someone so much that you have never even met?

weepy

Today I am feeling really, really weepy. I can't blog about the reason why or do anything about it, so I guess I'll just have to cry it out...

too soon, too soon.

Before sharing some of my thoughts, I'll give a good background of who I am.

I was born in Brockport, New York and moved to Hendersonville, NC for my dad's job when I was eleven. I went to Faith Christian School 6th-9th grade and then transferred to Hendersonville High School (where I was quite the opposite of "Suzie High School"). I then took a year off before moving to Boone, NC (where my heart is) majoring in nursing, eventually switching to Social Work as I hope to be a counselor to teens someday. Fast forward 2 years and I am living in Raleigh, NC with my loving, caring boyfriend, Shane, who I met when I was a freshman in high school. I have the best family anyone could ask for. My mom & dad, my 2 older brothers, my sister-in-law, and 2 beautiful nephews, Esher and Silas, ages 3 years and 3 months. I also have 2 sweet, fun-loving dogs- a 12 month old black lab/border collie mix named Buck, and a 6 month old chocolate lab named Summer (aka TROUBLE) :o). I am a nanny to 4 month old twins, Max & Carter. Max constantly smiles and talks, whereas Carter.... fusses, screams, and cries. :) Not to mention, I'm 2 months pregnant with Shane and I's first child. I am often described as over-analytical, funny, sensitive, too nice, and a hippie.

There's your background on me.

This past weekend has been tough. I have an eye infection which is a constant distraction. I think eye pain, back pain, and emotional pain are the worst 3 pains you can possibly have. Blech! Anyhow, after missing work for the first time yesterday, due to possibly being contagious, I am here, counting down the minutes until they decide to come home. Despite me agreeing to work until 5:45 on Tuesdays, my employer thought it a good idea to schedule a 5:30 appt without talking with me first, so it looks like I'm working late. As they expect me to do every day.

As you can probably imagine, I can't stop thinking about my baby. My biggest fear is, what if I can't breastfeed? I will feel like a complete & utter failure to my child. Also, how am I growing this fast?? Everyone I talked to has said that between 10 and 12 weeks, my pants would start feeling snug and there would be a noticeable difference in my belly size. Which sounded do-able to me because I need as much time getting paid as possible, as I expect my employers to let me go shortly after they find out (they are very happy with my work, but anal parents). That way, at 12 wks or so, I could break the news to them. However, I am 9 weeks along and I already look pregnant! I swear I got fatter over night. Because I woke up this morning, put my hand on my belly and couldn't believe what I felt- a round, pregnant, BELLY! Whaaaaaaat??? Too soon, too soon! Although, I'm assuming this "belly" will be more exciting than shocking when I have my first ultrasound on August 11th and get to hear our sweet baby's heartbeat. That is my main thought for today, if I were to write down every thought, I'd be typing all day. :)