Holy August. Next month will introduce a new job and a new apartment. New apartment= yay!!! New job= ohmygoshwhatifidontgivemydaughterenoughoneononetime..... I watched Colin, now 8 weeks old for the first time yesterday. "This will be so easy" I thought. "I nannied twins infants for 10 months, Kynzie is super easy to take care of, I have permission to let Colin cry it out, piece of cake." Ok maybe some of that holds water... However, a new realization came to mind as my daughter was in the crib crying and Colin was in my arms screaming, refusing a bottle. Am I robbing my child of the one-on-one attention she needs? Will she know that no one, NO ONE, can ever take her place, including this new baby I am cheating on her with? Shane walked in the door at that time and before even a sweet hello, I said "Do you want to console Kynz or hold Colin?" Ha! Poor guy. Thank God he loves babies. He was so quick to go soothe Kynzie and then get Colin settled for me. Then this morning I had a good thought. Is it good for Kynz to consume every bit of my attention throughout the day? No. Is it selfish for moms to have a second child and share their time with the two kids? No. In fact, if Shane has it his way, I will be pregnant again when Makynzie turns one. afkjaskjgsfgkljg. oh my geez. Granted I will only be watching both bambinos for 3.5 days a week, the rest of the days I am solely Kynzie's. So I am excited. I am thankful for more income and the chance to be a positive impact in these sweet babies' lives and the opportunity to give my child a friend while she is so young. This will be good for her.....? Excuse the question mark, I meant, this will be good for her.
On another note, we are moving into a bigger, nicer, THREE bedroom apartment!! Woohoo! And the famous Cassie & Drew Jackson will be our neighbors and can
Last but not least, I am so incredibly, ridiculously, immensely terrified of my wedding day. I'm not even thinking "What Ifs". For example, "what if I trip", "what if my dad steps on my dress", "what if I have to pee" have not even entered my mind. Well, I guess they have now.... SUPER. It's more or less, "Oh my gosh, everyone's going to be looking at me... just ME, 100+ people just staring at me...." I haaaaaate being the center of attention. Thank God Shane lives for it. If you know me, I am shy until I get to know you and then I'm really outgoing, but I don't do well under pressure. I am excited about how fun our wedding will be. I am looking forward to the dancing, and I really hope Shane and I's sense of humor comes out through our choice in music, words, and actions on this day. We have truly put our we-can't-be-serious-to-save-our-lives touch on this wedding, and I want everyone to have a good time. I keep saying I hope our guests have fun, laugh, are comfortable, etc etc and Shane has to keep reminding me that this is OUR day. Who cares what everyone else thinks?? Well, I do. So even if my wedding sucks, you better lie to me and say it couldn't have been better. I'll leave you with that threat..... :)
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