Wednesday, July 28, 2010
weepy
Today I am feeling really, really weepy. I can't blog about the reason why or do anything about it, so I guess I'll just have to cry it out...
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
too soon, too soon.
Before sharing some of my thoughts, I'll give a good background of who I am.
I was born in Brockport, New York and moved to Hendersonville, NC for my dad's job when I was eleven. I went to Faith Christian School 6th-9th grade and then transferred to Hendersonville High School (where I was quite the opposite of "Suzie High School"). I then took a year off before moving to Boone, NC (where my heart is) majoring in nursing, eventually switching to Social Work as I hope to be a counselor to teens someday. Fast forward 2 years and I am living in Raleigh, NC with my loving, caring boyfriend, Shane, who I met when I was a freshman in high school. I have the best family anyone could ask for. My mom & dad, my 2 older brothers, my sister-in-law, and 2 beautiful nephews, Esher and Silas, ages 3 years and 3 months. I also have 2 sweet, fun-loving dogs- a 12 month old black lab/border collie mix named Buck, and a 6 month old chocolate lab named Summer (aka TROUBLE) :o). I am a nanny to 4 month old twins, Max & Carter. Max constantly smiles and talks, whereas Carter.... fusses, screams, and cries. :) Not to mention, I'm 2 months pregnant with Shane and I's first child. I am often described as over-analytical, funny, sensitive, too nice, and a hippie.
There's your background on me.
This past weekend has been tough. I have an eye infection which is a constant distraction. I think eye pain, back pain, and emotional pain are the worst 3 pains you can possibly have. Blech! Anyhow, after missing work for the first time yesterday, due to possibly being contagious, I am here, counting down the minutes until they decide to come home. Despite me agreeing to work until 5:45 on Tuesdays, my employer thought it a good idea to schedule a 5:30 appt without talking with me first, so it looks like I'm working late. As they expect me to do every day.
As you can probably imagine, I can't stop thinking about my baby. My biggest fear is, what if I can't breastfeed? I will feel like a complete & utter failure to my child. Also, how am I growing this fast?? Everyone I talked to has said that between 10 and 12 weeks, my pants would start feeling snug and there would be a noticeable difference in my belly size. Which sounded do-able to me because I need as much time getting paid as possible, as I expect my employers to let me go shortly after they find out (they are very happy with my work, but anal parents). That way, at 12 wks or so, I could break the news to them. However, I am 9 weeks along and I already look pregnant! I swear I got fatter over night. Because I woke up this morning, put my hand on my belly and couldn't believe what I felt- a round, pregnant, BELLY! Whaaaaaaat??? Too soon, too soon! Although, I'm assuming this "belly" will be more exciting than shocking when I have my first ultrasound on August 11th and get to hear our sweet baby's heartbeat. That is my main thought for today, if I were to write down every thought, I'd be typing all day. :)
I was born in Brockport, New York and moved to Hendersonville, NC for my dad's job when I was eleven. I went to Faith Christian School 6th-9th grade and then transferred to Hendersonville High School (where I was quite the opposite of "Suzie High School"). I then took a year off before moving to Boone, NC (where my heart is) majoring in nursing, eventually switching to Social Work as I hope to be a counselor to teens someday. Fast forward 2 years and I am living in Raleigh, NC with my loving, caring boyfriend, Shane, who I met when I was a freshman in high school. I have the best family anyone could ask for. My mom & dad, my 2 older brothers, my sister-in-law, and 2 beautiful nephews, Esher and Silas, ages 3 years and 3 months. I also have 2 sweet, fun-loving dogs- a 12 month old black lab/border collie mix named Buck, and a 6 month old chocolate lab named Summer (aka TROUBLE) :o). I am a nanny to 4 month old twins, Max & Carter. Max constantly smiles and talks, whereas Carter.... fusses, screams, and cries. :) Not to mention, I'm 2 months pregnant with Shane and I's first child. I am often described as over-analytical, funny, sensitive, too nice, and a hippie.
There's your background on me.
This past weekend has been tough. I have an eye infection which is a constant distraction. I think eye pain, back pain, and emotional pain are the worst 3 pains you can possibly have. Blech! Anyhow, after missing work for the first time yesterday, due to possibly being contagious, I am here, counting down the minutes until they decide to come home. Despite me agreeing to work until 5:45 on Tuesdays, my employer thought it a good idea to schedule a 5:30 appt without talking with me first, so it looks like I'm working late. As they expect me to do every day.
As you can probably imagine, I can't stop thinking about my baby. My biggest fear is, what if I can't breastfeed? I will feel like a complete & utter failure to my child. Also, how am I growing this fast?? Everyone I talked to has said that between 10 and 12 weeks, my pants would start feeling snug and there would be a noticeable difference in my belly size. Which sounded do-able to me because I need as much time getting paid as possible, as I expect my employers to let me go shortly after they find out (they are very happy with my work, but anal parents). That way, at 12 wks or so, I could break the news to them. However, I am 9 weeks along and I already look pregnant! I swear I got fatter over night. Because I woke up this morning, put my hand on my belly and couldn't believe what I felt- a round, pregnant, BELLY! Whaaaaaaat??? Too soon, too soon! Although, I'm assuming this "belly" will be more exciting than shocking when I have my first ultrasound on August 11th and get to hear our sweet baby's heartbeat. That is my main thought for today, if I were to write down every thought, I'd be typing all day. :)
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