My life the past 10 weeks has been a blur. When I was 36 weeks pregnant I was just ready to get the show on the road. I was thinking of hobbies I could start once baby girl got here, because I thought I would be so bored. HA! Then 2 weeks after she was born I found myself bawling over her saying "I'm sorry Kynzie I don't know what to do for you, I'm so sorry (blubber blubber blubber)"I hated my new role as Mommy. Having kids had been a dream of mine for as long as I can remember. And it wasn't at all what I thought it would be. I was responding to her every cry. I was going all day without eating, peeing, and having a baby in my arms at all times. Which I never saw coming because when I was a nanny to the twins at only 2 months old, I let them cry it out piece of cake! Yea well... not so easy when it's my own "perfect little angel" who can do absolutely no wrong in my eyes.
A few weeks ago I decided enough was enough. I couldn't function like this any longer. I wasn't getting sleep for days on end, and I was hungry. :) I had NO control over my 7 week old daughter and she was calling the shots. So I let her cry in the crib as I sobbed while I did the dishes and tried to keep busy. At the time she had blood in her stool (which we have now figured out was the dairy in my diet. So long dairy!) and I decided after a day of letting her cry that it didn't feel right to me while she was having a health problem. So we stopped.
Well, since then the blood is gone and Shane has been begging me to try it again. So yesterday morning when she was fussing on her play mat and immediately stopped when I picked her up, I realized she had learned cause and effect. It's now very obvious that she knows "If I cry, Mommy picks me up." So back to crying it out we go! After crying for 15 minutes yesterday, she slept an hour and a half. And I too, am doing surprisingly well with it. Shane only held me once while I sobbed. :) I pee when I need to, I eat when I'm hungry, dinner is on the table when Shane gets home, the apartment is back to sparkling clean, and I am the parent in control. She cried for 10 minutes this morning and slept for 45. I decided when the nap starts, and I decide when it ends. Her schedule is flexible but is usually:
7am first feeding, wake time for 1 hour, down for a nap.
10am feeding, wake time, nap
1pm feeding, wake time, nap
4pm feeding, wake time, nap
7pm feeding, down for bed
9pm feeding, back to bed
and then I feed every 3 hours if she needs it until morning.
Every 10 minutes I go in, kiss her, tell her I love her, and walk out. Then after 40 minutes if she is still crying, I check her diaper, burp her, and lay her back down.
I have my sanity back and though it's hard to hear her cry, it's best that she learns to soothe herself to sleep. So glad I tried it. I now LOVE being her mommy and am enjoying every single second with her. :)
